educaitlin

09:50 pm: Big Dog Bungalow
Those of you who have visited Thor's house know that our home is a work in progress. Lately, it's been overwhelming me, but I feel like we're getting somewhere this summer.

When we bought the place, we thought it just needed a coat of paint and some TLC. We should have looked harder. If I were to see it now, I wouldn't buy it without at least 80 grand extra in my account, ready to pour into this joint. There are so many things that were not apparent, even to the inspector. Most of them are easier to do when the house is empty.

For example, our floors are uneven, and in some areas a bit springy. We have carpet. Yes, I can empty one room at a time and rip up carpet to install hardwood, but I'm terrified that I'll end up replacing lots and lots of subflooring. Maybe I'll think about that next June, because I think it would take all summer. Even if we could afford to hire someone to do it, I'd have to pack all our stuff out first. Not something I feel like doing right now.

We have done windows,some kitchen remodeling,new electrical panel, new HVAC system, and one and a half bathroom remodels.I've also pretty much re-landscaped the yard, and continue as money and time permit.

We still need to do a lot, especially exterior work. Sigh. I must eat my elephant one bite at a time. Pass the ketchup.

06:33 pm: Useless, Again!
My continuing saga of the Former Resident continues.

Moron boy,let's call him Useless,has apparently been in another ruckus, requiring medical treatment. He's still got our address on his driver's license, in spite of everything I've done to make him stop. I have contacted the DMV, local city attorney, state AG office,and every local police dept. No one can help me.

I've deflected summonses, subpoenas, child support bills, creditors,you name it. NOW I'm being hounded by a debt collector because Useless won't pay his doctor bills.

I tell everyone who calls that he hasn't lived here for five years and that we don't know him. I've sent a ton of letters stating same to anyone who needs telling.

I am sick, sick, sick of this boy. I want to get my hands on him so I can let Thor use him as a chew toy.

Any ideas?

10:22 pm: Explosion!
I began my Independence Day lounging abed, listening to my husband pattering down the hall to let the dog out. I heard indrawn breath, then shocked silence, so I got up.

We had an explosion sometime this morning. Our dog weighs over 190 lbs. I am grateful that he made it (mostly) onto the linoleum.

So I spent my July 4th morning using the black belt in carpet cleaning that I earned during Casey's twilight years. I also made rice for Thor, since he'll be eating that until he's back to normal. We'll also be checking the yard carefully, since we both saw him eating "something" yesterday, prior to the, um, fireworks.

We did get in a lovely bike ride, nice barbecued dinner, and our own mini Coen brothers film festival (Burn After Reading and Fargo, don'cha know.)We're not on vacation in an exotic locale, or thinking lofty thoughts, but I am grateful that I may pursue happiness as I see fit.

09:31 pm: Solicitors Will Be Shot
I have completely had it with people showing up at my door and trying to sell me stuff. The Samurai and I are usually polite, and we listen patiently to whatever spiel they're doing before we say, "No, thank you." Most of the time the door-to-door folk are running scams, and most of the time I recognize the scamminess, but we still refuse politely.

Recently, though, our refusals are often met with anger, even rage, from the salesfolk. I find this alarming in the extreme.

If you come to my door uninvited and demand that I spend my time, on my own property, listening to your proposal, bear in mind that I am not obligated to do anything for you. I can refuse to open my door. I can tell you to get the hell off my property. I can call the police and report you. I can let my extremely large dog bark in your face. I could hurl curses and verbal abuse at you.

Instead, I corral my dog, answer my door, and treat you with courtesy. When I refuse your offer--because I am not stupid--your job is to politely thank me for my time and move on. Good salesfolk are always, unfailingly courteous. They also never, ever, ever show anger towards a customer. Ever.

The enraged response to my refusal to fork over my cash alarms me because it tells me these folks are not civilized. They don't understand that they're guests on my property. They don't know the behavior expected of guests. Often they are curiously unafraid of my dog--and he is not fond of most of them. They cannot be trusted.

In the future, I'm not opening the door to any uninvited solicitation, unless it's to poke the shotgun barrel out as I mutter, "Git offa my LAND."

Exceptions will be made for little girls in green uniforms. The rest of y'all varmints, scram!

04:40 pm: Big Baby
For the past week or so, I've been doing a lot of Thor maintenance.

He's had a bath, which isn't too difficult. It's like washing a car would be if the car periodically shook itself all over you. He really likes the way he feels afterwards, especially the rubbing-with-towels part.

I've gradually reined in his long, scary claws with the Dremel tool. I'm going to go progressively shorter and try for weekly maintenance. His claws grow fast, and his paws are as big across as my hands.

The ears have been cleaned twice. Another soon-to-be-weekly chore, because it seems to keep him from getting ear infections. Antibiotics for those things are $150 or so. It's worth it to keep 'em clean.

Today was the annual vet visit with shots, blood work, etc. He was a sweet, polite boy as always, and enjoyed the enthusiastic greetings he got from the clinic staff. His weight shocked me. He was 187 last fall, but now he's up around 195 lbs. He isn't fat! There's loads of muscle, and we can feel his ribs. He's just enormous. He gets a pretty fair amount of exercise, but I'll continue walking him whenever it's cool enough. The vet also suggested adding green beans to his food. Somehow, this seems unwise. He can already clear a room with his thunderbutt powers.

I'm going to be researching a homemade diet option for him.Not sure how pricey it will be, but dog food is expensive, and it makes him quite gassy.

Right now he's passed out with his big ole slobbery head on my foot. It's good to be loved.Juicy, but good.

01:22 pm: Silence
My momma always told me that if I couldn't say something nice, I should keep my mouth shut. Since I've been a seething mass of utterly incoherent, exhausted rage for the last ten weeks or so, I've been refraining from posting. I wrote some posts, but they had lots of really nasty words in them, and would have left an ugly aftertaste in my readers' brains.

Now school is over, and I'm much more mellow. Gardening does that to me. Other creative stuff follows soon. I've read a lot; I highly recommend Diana Wynne Jones' Howl's Moving Castle and its two sequels, Castle in the Air and House of Many Ways. Ms. Jones knows how to write a rollicking good fairy story! I've got a stack of library books waiting for me. If I can find a skeeter repellent that works (our skeeters are Asian tigers the size of freakin' ROBINS) I will read out on the deck. Thor will enjoy that. He's annoyed because Mommy rarely stays still, and he's getting tired of following me everywhere.

I was hoping to get to Marinus' event on Saturday, but instead I will be attending a funeral. A good friend from school has lost her husband very suddenly, and I want to be there for her. She's in much the same position that the Pilot's wife was four years ago, so I have some idea of what she's got on her plate.

04:37 pm: Lessons Learned
The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of choir rehearsals (featuring Emily the Choral Dictator, in all her diminutive, terrifying splendor), bookroom cleanout (21 years' worth of old paperbacks nobody teaches anymore-outta there!), grades (insert whining here), and miscellaneous crappus.

Now Spring Break is upon me, and I head for the yard to mow the knee-high meadow that passes for our yard. I roll out my trusty Craftsman mower,start 'er up, and *KLONK* she stops dead. Won't restart, either. The Samurai takes a look, and he's puzzled, too. I call the Mower Man, and while I await him, I idly check the oil. Now, I know we just changed the oil last fall, so I'm sure it's full but

it's not,

it is

EMPTY.

Yup. The mower, she is dead. See, small engines really need oil to work, or they gets broken. I mourn my beloved grass muncher machine. The grass continues to grow. The rain falls sadly.

After much sorrow, and lots of research, I drag home a new electric, cordless, self-propelled, mulching mower. It's plugged in and charging, and I'll let y'all know how well it works when the drizzle stops tomorrow. In the meantime, the lions stalk the gazelles and zebras roaming my pocket wilderness. There sure are some pretty wildflowers out there, too.

04:37 pm: Flumonia
In a fit of generosity, my hacking, gacking sixth graders broadcast wee germies far and wide in my classroom about ten days ago.
Inevitably, I got sick. I had a fever, chills, dry cough, headache; it was awful. The Gack morphed into a wet, sticky cough and near-strangulation when I try to sleep horizontally. I've been propping myself up magisterially at night for a while now, so I can breathe.
Went to the doc, got antibiotics, and stayed sick, so now I'm starting round 2 of Gack Nukem.
Meanwhile, the Samurai has been sick, too, and he NEVER gets sick. Thor is worn out from checking on the current Coughing Human, to be sure we keep breathing.
And, of course, the kids at school are taking turns being ill,causing me to have a heckuva time getting all of them to do make-up work.
I'm still catching up on papers done while I was fixin' to die,and the admin at my school has decided to inundate me with pointless busy work, as well. Someone needs to tell them that planning and teaching good lessons is the most valuable use of my time before I go postal about the next Climate Survey or Curriculum Review I'm asked to do.
Hey, I got to school today at 7 AM, came home at 4 for an hour, and have to be back for an awards banquet (where I get to serve food to parents and athletes and give out pretty paper) from 6-8.I'll have two hours of prep for tomorrow to do when I get home, and I'll be back up at 4:45 tomorrow morning.
Definitely gotta check out the circus option.

05:50 pm: Controlled Climate
When last I mentioned the heating situation here at Big Dog Bungalow, we were heatless. Heat-free, Unheated. Cold. Running three space heaters and generally miserable, while trying to sort out the home warranty co. vs. insurance mess. The warranty company was counting on us to cave and assume responsibility for getting heat in our house, but they haven't run into anyone as stubborn as us before. We can endure camping conditions if we know we're right, and big corporations don't scare us. (We're teachers--nothing scares us!)

Well,the insurance folks sent their guy out. He pooh-poohed the "external damage" and "flattened coils " as we had, and pronounced the compressor dead. No surprises here. I contacted a lawyer (I recommend your state Bar Association's referral service) who advised me to fax a copy of the insurance inspector's report to the warranty company, letting them know I was appealing their denial and asking them to fix the damn thing. I also threw in that they had ten business days to resolve the issue with us. On day eleven, I'd be contracting with the company of my choice for a replacement system, at their expense.

Didn't hear from them, so on day 13, we signed a contract for a new heat pump.On day 19, I got a call from the warranty folks! They wanted to offer me a second opinion, which they had twice denied us in Nov. and Dec. I said sure, but you have to get someone here before the old system goes away on Thursday. They scrambled, and their guy #2 came out on Tuesday.

Compressor's dead, he says. Might cost $500 to fix. Want me to do it?

At this point, I'm locked in to a contract to replace the whole shootin' match, which I explain to him, and later to the warranty lady on the phone. I also explained that if they'd sent second opinion dude out in December, as I asked, instead of making us do without heat ALL FREAKING WINTER, I'd have been happy to have a new compressor while I saved my money for a new heat pump. She couldn't understand why I wasn't delighted with her offer of the cash value of the old compressor.

Now we are enjoying a wonderful, quiet, efficient new system, and our house is a comfortable, consistent temperature for the first time since we've lived here. (The old system was pretty awful.) I'll be meeting with a nice lawyer on Monday to sue the stoneofapeach warranty company. Stay tuned for courtroom drama!

10:42 am: Thor Gets More People
My extremely large dog's major life goal is to acquire More People. He loves us, but he really craves herds of persons whose wiggly appendages long to scratch his big itchy carcass.His idea of heaven is Lots of Company in Thor's House.

So last night, he got three extra people when Blueleader and two more dog toys stayed overnight. What a happy boy! He slobbered them, he leaned upon them, he engulfed them in his wrinkly, Thorpy embrace.When they packed their bags this morning, he was concerned. When they actually left, the whining commenced. He's finally stopped complaining and fallen asleep, but he's pretty depressed.

I'm playing hooky today to get caught up with grading. It's gonna be appalling; I can just feel it in my bones.

11:14 pm: Education
The school year is now officially half over here in Our Fair Coastal City.
To date, I have been summoned to twelve parent-teacher conferences. One was requested by us teachers. The other eleven were parent-initiated.
Three parents arrived on time.Two others arrived late (one 45 min., the other TWO HOURS) to conferences scheduled for the ONLY available twenty-minute window in our day. Neither of the late ones bothered to call, text, email, or send messages via pigeon.
The other seven parents NEVER SHOWED UP.
The five kids whose parents actually arrived at school are all passing.The other seven are all failing. Hm.
What sort of raging monster do you suppose I shall become the next time someone tries to blame SCHOOLS for their children's idiocy?
It's enough to make me run away and join the circus, or take to my bed with the vapors, except I don't have enough facial hair to be a bearded lady and teachers aren't really prone to the vapors.
I am starting to twitch randomly, though. Glurp.

05:43 pm: New for 2009
While I was at Hrothny's place on Friday, enjoying her strapping lads and being fed (both physically and spiritually), my mom was trying to reach me.

My new--and last--nephew had arrived early!

Ethan wasn't due until the 19th, but decided he wanted a single-digit birthday. His folks down in Texas are delighted and doing well. Alex is a proud big brother, and can't wait to teach Ethan how to be a Jedi Master.

This will really be the last one, so we're planning to enjoy all the baby stuff while we can. Since my oldest nephew Chando has reached fourteen (almost fifteen) and is now taller than I, with a rumbly voice, it is very clear to me that they aren't little for long.

I did have an "I'm-not-that-old" moment on Friday, while talking with my former student Joe, now in his thirties. We figured out that when I taught him, I was younger than he is now.I felt better. He felt old. (He isn't.)

I am finally comfortable enough with my age that my New Year's resolution was to quit coloring my hair. At present, I have about two inches of silver creeping out of my brown mop. Another two inches, and I will be chopping the brown off. I'm all about discarding false appearances this year, I guess. My students are encouraging me as I "transform" (their word) because they think my silver hair will look really kewl. I think they are all angling for A's, but I'll take what I can get.

09:56 pm: Happy Nude Year!
It's what my baby brother used to think we were saying on Dec. 31 at midnight. (He eventually got it right.)

I realized I had dropped off the LJ planet before the holidays, so I'd better update before rumors of my demise began circulating. We've been hither and yon, first to Nashville for holidays with the Samurai's family, then to Pennsylvania for a wedding (all delightful, just trafficky). We alighted here at Big Dawg Bungalow on Monday to find that the kennel had neglected to put Thor on the bath list. I figured I could bathe him on Tuesday, with 65 degreees predicted, but lemme tellya, 187 lbs. of kennel stench is a LOT of stink. I got him clean, but spent a bit of time today cleaning carpets. Phew!

We are on week five of limited heat, due to a dying heat pump. I finally got a letter from the warranty company, refusing to service our elderly unit. They claim it's been struck by an object, rendering it terminally ill. I don't recall hurling rocks at it, but I've been waiting for the denial letter so I can let my homeowner's insurance have a crack at the "flying object" dodge. I'm faxing it to them tomorrow. They'll send their dude out to check it, and then I should have everything I need to either A) get a new heat pump from my insurance co. thanks to mysterious projectiles or B)take my warranty company to court. My money's on B. Meanwhile, our small, fortunately well-insulated abode is being heated by three space heaters and dog flatulence.

I am off to snuggle under blankets and watch the Hokies lose. Happy Nude Year, everyone!

04:16 pm: Holiday Trivia
Holiday trivia questions, answered for you by Mrs. Educait's 6th graders:

Q: Who were Kaspar, Balthasar, and Melchior?
A: Santa's back-up reindeer; the Three Musketeers;Barack Obama's brothers; elves

Q: What "kissing plant" also represents life?
A: Roses; a cactus; "pointsetters"

Q: What is the first line of "Frosty the Snowman"?
A: "Frosty the Snowman was a jolly olly old elf..."
"was a freezy frozey boy..."

Q: Who wrote A Christmas Carol?
A: Carol's mom; Charles Diggums; Charles Wickens; Dr. Seuss

Q: Name Santa's eight reindeer (minus Rudolf).
A: Smasher, Pantser, Antlers, Dixon, Comet, Cueball, Dandruff, and Vick's Son

Q: Dec. 15th marks the ratification of the first ten Amendments of the Constitution, also known as what day? (they just studied the Bill of Rights in Civics!)
A: Supreme Rights Day; Independence Day; Flag Day; Jefferson's Birthday

See why I love my kids? (For the record, some of them DID know the answers!)

08:41 pm: On Being Civic-Minded
We live in a good, solidly middle-class neighborhood. Lots of teachers,plumbers, and nurses. No principals or doctors. Plenty of folks like us, younger, older, retired,various races. Nice folks.

We've gotten sucked into the whole civic league thing by our neighbor Laureen. First I was delivering newsletters, then we were Neighborhood Watch block captains, and now I'm on the Civic League Board of Directors. This mostly means I go to meetings where I am the youngest person in the room, and eat cookies.

However, last night was our big neighborhood event, something called Share Your Light Night. We all put out luminaria,bundled up, and walked around the neighborhood. There were a couple of stations with cookies, cocoa, and cider,a roving fire engine, mounted police officers, and Santa in a pickemup truck. One of the cookie stops (a "Celebration Station") was in our yard. Several neighbors, the Samurai and I pushed baked goods on anyone who wandered our way. We met new folks, laughed with the ones we already knew, and froze our buns off.

After an hour or so, we packed up and headed to the civic league president's house for adult libations. We met lots more sweet folks and came away convinced that we live in a wonderful place, sort of a village within the vast suburb that is Our Fair Coastal City.Our house may be small and run-down, but it seemed like a mansion last night.

Tomorrow I get to wrangle hopped-up middle school kids on my birthday! Wish me luck.

04:16 pm: How to Conquer Another Nation
First, go to a good-sized middle school. Commandeer some buses.
Next, ask for all of their sixth graders. They will gladly give them to you. Their parents will not miss them.
Put the sixth graders on big airplanes.
Drop them all in selected population centers. The more sixth graders you deliver, the faster you'll get total capitulation.
Twelve hours later, watch for the surrendering dignitaries. Demand large sums of cash before you'll take the sixth graders away.
Send relief teams to repair the wholesale destruction that sixth graders leave behind.Your conquered peoples will need therapy, too.
Feeding the sixth graders sugar and caffeine while they're aloft will get faster results, but you'll need new airplanes afterwards.

06:40 pm: How To Make Your Teacher Retire Early
If you are a sixth grader, and your English teacher is stupid enough to make you do word processing in class, here are some helpful things to remember.
1. Although you can surf the Internet and click like crazy, you don't know how to actually create anything on a computer. Tell her this every fifteen seconds.
2.Make her show you how to highlight stuff. A lot.
3. Forget which is right and which is left, and justify everything strangely.
4. Set your keyboard to produce only Cyrillic, and lock it in place.
5. Insert your paragraphs into a table, then make a pie chart because it looks kewl.
6. Insist on typing in ALL CAPS. no matter what your teacher says.
7. Keep getting up to sharpen the pencil you are not using.
8. Keep getting up to get hand sanitizer because your keyboard has the cooties.
9. Format your paper into one two-inch-wide column on the extreme far right.
10. Add pictures of Tweety Bird for no apparent reason.
11.Blame your stupid computer for all your mistakes LOUDLY.
12. Spell everything incorrectly, but don't use spell check.
13. ignore punctuation totally who needs it same goes for capital letters unless THATS ALL YOU USE
14.Sing your happy little computer song.
15. Fart a lot. Silently. Blame Brandon.
16. Claim that your fingers hurt.
17. Complain because your computer is making explody noises.
18. Cry, just because you love the hunted look on your teacher's face when the tears flow.
19. Claim you're done every ten seconds, even though you've only typed six words.
20. After the lesson, ask when you can use computers in class again, cause they're FUN!

I didn't embellish, even a little. And Brandon really does fart, all the stinkin'time. (I have five Brandons this year.)

07:08 pm: Big Time
This election has been a huge boost for the young gentlemen of color in my 8th grade classes.

Usually, when I look into their eyes and tell them that they can be anything they want to be, they seem suspicious and doubtful. We both knew, before yesterday, that I was lying. I was telling them how I wanted the world to be for them, not how it really was.

Today, I wasn't lying. In their eyes, I saw hope, joy, and tears. I sincerely hope Senator Obama understands how much he means to these kids. Maybe I should have them write him letters!

06:47 pm: History
Today was a teacher work day for me, at least until lunchtime, when we were released to vote.

My school is, of course, a polling place. Teachers were asked to park on the side of the building, freeing all of our front lot for voters. When I pulled up at 8 AM, the front AND side lots were both full.(That's over 300 spaces!) Faculty was directed to maintenance parking near the cafeteria. Inside, the spacious foyer was filled with a snaking line of cheerful folks. The line continued out the door and halfway around the building...wow. No one expected this, but it was beautiful.

I was especially moved to see former students in line, voting for the first time. It's a shame my friend Paul, one of our retired Civics teachers, didn't live to see this.

When I left to vote at 12:30, I expected a shorter wait,as my school was nearly deserted. I was wrong--took me a bit over an hour to vote at an elementary school near my house, but it was fun. The folks behind me were first-time voters, and behind them was a young family with a tiny, exuberant kindergartner chanting "O-ba-MA!" Everyone forgave his breach of voting etiquette, because he was so excited. He kept saying he was helping Daddy with history--his dad explained that he meant MAKING history. I sure hope he's right.

10:51 pm: Brain Salad
I cannot believe I haven't posted here since Sept. 10. School has devoured my brain. This year, I teach 6th and 8th graders on alternating days, with a completely different schedule for each. I'm juggling two different curricula, different pacing, and VASTLY different groups of kids.

8th graders, for all their weirdness, are pseudo-adult enough to make sense. I've also spent 15 years with them, so I grok 8th graders.

6th graders, on the other hand, are pocket tyrants, They all have Selfish Entitlement disease, compounded by chronic laziness, whining, and an obstinate contrariness that confounds me. Tomorrow they have a very simple project due, and on Friday they argued with me about the directions and requirements. Easy junk, like "your poster must be colorful." They wanted to know WHY (so it will be fun to look at while you give your presentation) and WHO I thought I was to make such demands (your teacher) and HOW I thought color was possible on a poster, anyway (art supplies, anyone?) When I told them they'd lose points for having no color (this is on the rubric they were given 14 days ago) they told me, "You can't do that!" I replied that I could, and would, because it's my JOB and I am their TEACHER. They were genuinely amazed. They're all insane, I tell you, and they keep TOUCHING each other (not in the icky 8th grader sexual way, but the shrill car-backseat-on-a-long-trip space invader way.)

I. Will. Not. Teach. 6th. Grade. Next. Year.